StarShatters: hey kara are you actually mad at me
NoTalkMeIAngy: what
NoTalkMeIAngy: No not REALLY
NoTalkMeIAngy: Jo and Theo are just being PISSBABIES and I got made at you by association
StarShatters: okay thank you for almost apologizing
StarShatters: although honestly you should expect that from theo you’ve been around them for five times longer than the rest of us
StarShatters: and jo’s just like that
NoTalkMeIAngy: honestly I thought that Theo was only a DRAMATIC BITCH around me until I realized that’s just HOW THEY TALK
StarShatters: i have never been so sufficiently fucked up by an insult except from them
StarShatters: and it was after i googled like five words to figure out exactly how far id been rekt
NoTalkMeIAngy: I took to carrying around a DAMN THESAURUS.
StarShatters: maybe i should too
NoTalkMeIAngy: lmfao
StarShatters: hold on what the fuck
StarShatters: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
NoTalkMeIAngy: what WHAT HAPPENED NOAH
StarShatters: hold on ill take this to the server
NoTalkMeIAngy: damn I guess you don’t TRUST me then.
(Note: If You Are Wondering How I Managed To Obtain Direct Message Transcripts; Do Not Worry About It the Answer Will Disappoint You – Karl Lightman)
StarShatters: so the weirdest fucking thing happened
StarShatters: there is a letter on my front doorstep
terminallyContagious: Contrary to popular belief, corporations and institutions do in fact still send snail-mail in the year of our lord twenty twenty-one.
terminallyContagious: god I’m talking like Theo now.
StarShatters: no okay so
StarShatters: its not spam mail
StarShatters: my name is written on it in this pretty handwriting
StarShatters: look [Image of a letter in Noah’s hand. On it is written “For Noah S. Starbury <3” in calligraphic handwriting, appearing to have been written using a pink-ink pen.]
terminallyContagious: Well. That is strange.
NoTalkMeIAngy: what the FUCK noah
NoTalkMeIAngy: wait there’s a HEART on it is it a LOVE letter
AceSpades: Are you jealous?
NoTalkMeIAngy: ACEROLA SPADES YOUR INSINUATION IS STUPID
NoTalkMeIAngy: I was just CURIOUS.
terminallyContagious: @StarShatters open it.
StarShatters: alright i will
StarShatters: HEY WHAT THE FUCK
terminallyContagious: what does it say
AceSpades: What does it say?
ThrowingAwayMyShot: A love letter? How ingtrigueifying!
terminallyContagious: @AceSpades jinx
NoTalkMeIAngy: “How ingtrigueifying!”? you’re just MAKING UP WORDS at this point!
ThrowingAwayMyShot: @NoTalkMeIAngy all words that we in America, especially, use in the zeitgeist of today, were neologisms at one point or another. That utterance was certainly dropped upon most words in current parlance.
terminallyContagious: quiet, Shakespeare, I want to see what this letter says.
StarShatters: okay holy shit
StarShatters: [Image of a handwritten letter, on fancy stationery. The words are written in the same handwriting style and color as the address on the front. It reads:
It’s been quite the journey, my love.
I hope new horizons are finding you well.
I haven’t been in contact for some time but
you should know that you are still my raison d'être.
I still haven’t forgotten.
Love you lots,
Your Not-So Secret Admirer
P.S. A bientôt, mon amour <3
]
AceSpades: aww thats sweet
terminallyContagious: That is? Really fucking creepy?
StarShatters: i dont know what to think about it honestly
ThrowingAwayMyShot: Oh, I know.
ThrowingAwayMyShot: ~Every breath you take / Every move you make~
NoTalkMeIAngy: Every bond you break, every step you take
ThrowingAwayMyShot: ~I’ll be watching you~
NoTalkMeIAngy: Every move you make, every vow you break
ThrowingAwayMyShot: ~Every smile you fake / Every claim you stake~
NoTalkMeIAngy: I’ll be watching you…
AceSpades: Guys cut it out.
terminallyContagious: aw man that kinda Stings
>@AceSpades has muted @terminallyContagious for 120 minutes: no.
AceSpades: Man you should be glad you get love letters at all @StarShatters whoever wrote this clearly cares a lot about you.
StarShatters: yeah but
StarShatters: it makes absolutely no sense
StarShatters: “i havent forgotten” and “i havent been in contact for some time” kinda implies its someone who knew me in the past
StarShatters: but i legit do not know who that i have ever met would be (a) this melodramatic (b) such a hopeless romantic jesus christ calm down and (c) go to the effort to mail me a handwritten letter
AceSpades: You are a lucky bastard is what it means.
DetectiveProfessorK: Hold On.
AceSpades: He speaks?
DetectiveProfessorK: @StarShatters You Did Say “Mail Me a Letter” Right
DetectiveProfessorK: But How Can That Letter Have Been Mailed; There Is No Postage Stamp On It.
DetectiveProfessorK: Someone Physically Delivered That To Your Front Door.
StarShatters: oh fuck
NoTalkMeIAngy: Even CREEPIER wow.
NoTalkMyIAngy: NOAH you should call the POLICE.
StarShatters: huh?
AceSpades: But why?
DetectiveProfessorK: I Am Well Versed In Law; I Am Completely Certain Giving Someone a Letter Is Not a Criminal Offense.
NoTalkMeIAngy: PIG
DetectiveProfessorK: Oh Also.
DetectiveProfessorK: The French Phrase In the Post Script Reads Something Like “See You Later My Love” Or Maybe “I Will See You Sometime Soon My Love.”
StarShatters: thank you karl but i think i got the gist of it the first time reading thru
DetectiveProfessorK: I Thought I Would Say That In Case Someone Here Has No Knowledge of French.
StarShatters: i took two years at southside middle but i mostly ignored it
StarShatters: i still have something resembling knowledge of the language of romance
StarShatters: oh so thats why she(?) wrote in french
DetectiveProfessorK: Also I Have a Message For All of ALKCNT.
DetectiveProfessorK: This Weekend I Am Going To Be Going On a Training For Detective Work. I Will Not Be Available During This Time. If My Assistance Is Absolutely Required Please Call Me On My Phone.
NoTalkMeIAngy: Are we REALLY called ALKCNT now lmao
AceSpades: That is great @DetectiveProfessorK good luck!
StarShatters: good 4 u
DetectiveProfessorK: Thank You Friends and Caroline.
NoTalkMeIAngy: WOW.